Post by zaiafantasy on Mar 6, 2012 3:26:23 GMT -4
"I don't know."
More accurately she wasn't saying why she wanted to kiss him. Not that it was hard to figure out at this rate and had nothing to do with his ideas about familiarity or home. She'd been alone for a lot of her life and didn't need any one person or thing to make her comfortable. It was both a virtue and a flaw as a person. She was beginning to understand that as she looked at him.
"Because I wanted to. Because I was curious about what I'd heard about you."
That wasn't it. It was, just not the truth as it was in entirety. It was the half truth she wanted him to believe. She sucked in her breath knowing that if she was serious about trying to be another person, to be better and more honest, it had to begin here. She didn't want it to but she had to. Sure his past had something to do with it but that wasn't all and it wasn't foremost in her mind.
"I'm attracted to you." There, she said it but it came out much quieter than she intended. She tried again, louder this time. "I've wanted to do that for a long time but I never felt like I could and then I tried to explain it away and told myself that you weren't interested."
She paused in the rush of words to look at him, clarifying. "You're not, right?"
The bet was merely an excuse, her beard, a perfectly legitimate way to express what she was fairly certain he'd reject outright otherwise. The fact that he wasn't panicking wasn't reassuring. It wasn't discouraging, either, but it wasn't reassuring. If he didn't figure out that the bet was only an excuse then she couldn't say it aloud. She was doing a lot already that made her very uncomfortable. She wasn't miss relationship or Buffy to try and pursue a life outside the calling. As much as she hated it this was all she knew so it was only logical that when she noticed someone seriously for the first time it be someone in the field that already knew who she was.
Ok, maybe they didn't know each other well but the fact remained.
More accurately she wasn't saying why she wanted to kiss him. Not that it was hard to figure out at this rate and had nothing to do with his ideas about familiarity or home. She'd been alone for a lot of her life and didn't need any one person or thing to make her comfortable. It was both a virtue and a flaw as a person. She was beginning to understand that as she looked at him.
"Because I wanted to. Because I was curious about what I'd heard about you."
That wasn't it. It was, just not the truth as it was in entirety. It was the half truth she wanted him to believe. She sucked in her breath knowing that if she was serious about trying to be another person, to be better and more honest, it had to begin here. She didn't want it to but she had to. Sure his past had something to do with it but that wasn't all and it wasn't foremost in her mind.
"I'm attracted to you." There, she said it but it came out much quieter than she intended. She tried again, louder this time. "I've wanted to do that for a long time but I never felt like I could and then I tried to explain it away and told myself that you weren't interested."
She paused in the rush of words to look at him, clarifying. "You're not, right?"
The bet was merely an excuse, her beard, a perfectly legitimate way to express what she was fairly certain he'd reject outright otherwise. The fact that he wasn't panicking wasn't reassuring. It wasn't discouraging, either, but it wasn't reassuring. If he didn't figure out that the bet was only an excuse then she couldn't say it aloud. She was doing a lot already that made her very uncomfortable. She wasn't miss relationship or Buffy to try and pursue a life outside the calling. As much as she hated it this was all she knew so it was only logical that when she noticed someone seriously for the first time it be someone in the field that already knew who she was.
Ok, maybe they didn't know each other well but the fact remained.